


Our Disparate, Naive Souls

by SaveThePorgs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Smuggler Ben, Awkwardness, Ben feeding Rey, Burgeoning Adulthood, Burgeoning Sexuality, F/M, Gratuitous amounts of sand, Growing Up, Hand Touching, Heavy on angst but sweet, Jakku features HEAVILY, Rey is thirsty AF, Rey's life is hard, Reyjection, Small Gestures of Affection, Smol Rey, Smuggler!Ben, Sweet and sad and a little bit fluffy, sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 01:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15426552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaveThePorgs/pseuds/SaveThePorgs
Summary: Once a year the Smuggler Ben Solo, visits Jakku to trade with junk boss Unkar Plutt.Whilst there he meets the scavenger Rey. Talented and enigmatic, over the years he watches her grow up.But as Rey’s burgeoninging connection to the Force grows, can Ben continue the hide the truth of who he is. Or will he help her become who she is meant to be?Written for a prompt as part of the TWD summer fic exchange.





	Our Disparate, Naive Souls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunshineflying](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/gifts).



> Written for the prompt: 
> 
> "I'd love to read something about like... small intimacies either through force bond or in person. Things like holding hands, cuddling... very sfw physical intimacy between Kylo and Rey. And any canon AU's with smuggler Ben! I'm so weak for smuggler Ben!!"
> 
> Got some Smuggler Ben in there and some intimacy so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Note: There's a tiny bit of what could be considered underage in here: Basically Rey makes a move while underage and Ben rejects her. But just a warning,

_Time passes slowly at first._

 

Ben Solo watches the girl grow up over the years. A nomad without a home, he traverses the galaxy, smuggling and drinking, cutting deals that cause him more trouble than the money they're worth. He visits many places, each different and unique, but in the end they all blend together, his memories an amorphous blur.

 

He remembers Jakku though. A planet that perfectly fits the definition of nowhere, moisture farmers and shifting sands and the skeletons of Imperial Destroyers. The graveyard of a broken regime, where one can almost taste the hopelessness in the air. Jakku is desolate, forgettable. Yet he cannot erase the memory of it. Jakku is in his bones. Always with him. And so is _she._

 

He visits around once a year, his shiny Coruscant freighter looking incongruous and bizarre amongst the carcasses of ancient fallen ships. He has no love for Unkar Plutt, but the junk boss hawks cheap speeders which he can smuggle to the Core planets and resell, turning a good profit. Essential when he currently owes both Kanjiklub and the Guavian Death Gang a whole lot of money.

When he first sees her she’s a skinny child. Not yet in her teens. Her hair is drawn up into three messy buns and she looks at him like he is some sort of mythological creature. Unable to imagine a galaxy, beyond this desert place, where people trade in money instead of portions.

 

“Girl!” Unkar belows. “Stop being useless and help the man.”

 

The girl nods, and sets to work, wiping the grit from her eyes, her mouth set in a hard line. She carries the crates of food and alcohol that Ben has paid Unkar in exchange for the ships, muscles straining in her arms. For a moment, she stops to gaze at the crate of Naboo oranges, and he sees her nostrils flare, entranced by the scent of citrus permeating into the blistering desert air. A look of longing crosses her face, eyes hungry and wild, but then her expression once again goes blank as she dumps the heavy cargo at Plutt’s feet.

 

Afterwards, she pilots the assortment of speeders and pod racers into his cargo hold. His eyes widen at her exceptional maneuvering, how she manages to fit each ship so perfectly into the tight space. She’s an excellent pilot. Perhaps even better than him, a thought that both intrigues and peturbes him.

 

When she is finished, she shuffles past him, acknowledging him only with a cursory nod.

 

“It’s done.” She says flatly, gazing at him with wide hazel eyes.

 

“Thank you.” He murmurs. “I’m Ben by the way.” He adds, holding out his hand. “And you are?”

 

The girl pauses, staring at his hand for a number of seconds. But she does not shake it. Instead she shrinks back, turning away.

 

“I’m _no one_.” She mutters quietly, slouching and looking at the ground. Then, without saying goodbye, she turns around and walks away.

 

* * *

 

 

A year passes before he returns to Jakku. When he lands it is as if nothing has changed, but also _ironically_ everything. The shifting dunes mean that it is almost impossible to travel in this place, Niima outpost only a tiny speck in an ever-changing sea of sand. He thanks the stars for his ships navigation system.

 

Plutt drives a hard deal, complaining about how the ever increasing presence of the First Order is affecting the economy and his business, but in the end, Ben gets what he wants. He loads up the cargo and makes to leave, but something stops him. A figure in the corner of the outpost, with hair tied up in three distinct buns.

 

He walks over to her, curiosity getting the better of him. Close up, she looks the same, same hair, same worn out dusty clothes. Yet, she is almost imperceptibly taller. She sits leant over a table, soldering iron in one hand, a dismantled carburetor before her which she is in the process of rewiring.

 

“Hi.” He says quietly, not knowing if she will recognise him, but her eyes narrow in acknowledgement. Her mouth twitches up into what almost, but not quite, resembles a smile.

 

“It’s Ben, right?” She says softly.

 

He nods. Watching as her gaze turns back down to the engine part before her.

 

“What are you doing?” He asks.

 

“Fixing it.” She says, matter-of-factly.

 

“You like fixing things?”

 

“I guess.” She shrugs. “Those speeders Plutt sells you. I fix them. He finds the carcass of one, or buys it, and then I scavenge the parts and put it all together so it runs. And what I can’t scavenge I fix.”

 

“You’re talented.” Ben remarks.

 

But the girl just shakes her head. “If it was talented, I wouldn’t be here.” Her voice quavers a little, with a vulnerability she cannot suppress. “My parents… they wouldn’t have left me.”

 

A tear, small and crystalline escapes the corner of her eye and without hesitation she brushes it away, making to get up, grasping the engine part in her spare hand.

 

“My parents. They, they left me too…” Ben whispers. Remembering his cries as they forced him onto a ship as a child, sending him off to his Uncle Luke. Not knowing what to do with their explosive and unpredictable Force Sensitive son.

 

 _It’s for your own good kid._ He remembers his father saying. _Your Uncle, he’s gonna help you. Help you control it, the feelings inside you._

 

Instead those years of training as a Jedi had only made him more broken.

 

The girls eyes widen and she freezes, eyes meeting his. The corners of her mouth turn up and she smiles a sympathetic smile.

 

“I guess the world isn’t fair.”

 

Ben nods and smiles back. “Perhaps not.”

 

He pauses, staring at the skinny girl, at her inquisitive but weary eyes, eyes that belong in an older face, not someone as young and innocent as hers.

 

“You never told me your name.”

 

“Rey.” She says softly. “My name is _Rey_.”

 

* * *

 

 

Whenever he thinks he’s almost paid off the debt, Bala-Tik demands more.

 

He shouldn't have taken the job. Smuggling half a ton of death sticks from Nar Shaddaa to Coruscant, but he had been young and desperate. No money, his only possession a small freighter he had won in a game of Sabacc. Won by cheating, using the Force. Running from family and duty and expectation. After what happened with Luke, he had needed to run. Overwhelmed with sorrow and shame.

 

And when he had lost the shipment, when he had got to the delivery point and First Order Stormtroopers had appeared, he had run. He could of dispatched them easily, hurt them using the Force, therefore saving the Cargo, but instead he had fled. He didn't want to be that person anymore. Sad and angry, the subject of Luke’s disapproval, his parents tarnished hopes. He did not want to choose violence, giving into the voice that has plagued him all these years. _The voice in his head_.

 

But now he owes the Guavian Death Gang a lot money, and Bala-Tik keeps upping the interest so Ben is never free. And Kanjiklub is also after him. Claiming he cheated them in a Sabacc game. A fact that is unfortunately true.

 

Still he lives a fairly good life. Even in debt, he has enough money to drink and eat what he likes and go wherever he wants. But wherever he travels he is always alone.Sometimes the solitude seems too much, but he’s grown up his whole life being lonely, forced to meditate and practise endless lightsaber forms.

 

There are always pretty Twi’lek girls in bars and once in a while he’ll buy one of them a drink, and listen to them talk and smile, seemingly so unburdened and free. But then he'll leave. Go back to his ship and the quiet, wondering about his life and whether it is _enough._

 

His third time on Jakku, he spots the girl, Rey, standing in a queue for portions. Slung over her back is a heavy bag of scavenged parts and she also carries a new addition in the hand, a sturdy metal staff. She talks to scavenger in front of her in Jawa and then in Teedo to the creature behind her. As she reaches the head of the queue she converses with a service droid, responding to its binary speak in clipped slightly accented basic, before dumping her haul before Plutt, leaving with a meagre number of portions.

 

“How many languages do you speak?” He asks, approaching her.

 

She stares at him for a second, before responding. “Five.” She says flatly.

 

“That’s impressive.”

 

Rey shrugs. “I meet a lot of passers-by. Like you. Nearly all of them can speak basic, but many of them choose not too.”

 

Ben nods.

 

“So you're not working for Plutt anymore?” He says, gesturing to the queue.

 

Rey snorts. “Of course I work for Plutt, everyone works for Plutt around here. I just sell to him now instead of running all of his errands.”

 

“And that’s better, _for you_?”

 

Rey raises an eyebrow, tilting her head. “I guess. It means I have my freedom. I can go where I want, work when I want. As long as I scavenge enough parts to eat.”

 

“And do you?” He says, staring across at her, acutely aware of her body's lethal thinness.

 

“Most of the time.” She smiles. “Some days are better than others. Sometimes I find a part that will get me enough portions to feed me for weeks, but other times there’s nothing.You have to be careful when you land something big though. The other scavengers get jealous. Want to know your spots, start following you, sometimes even try and rob you. But…” She twirls her staff in her hand throwing it up in the air and twisting her body turning to catch it in the other. Reflexes sharp, instinctual, a dangerous look in her eye. “I can look after myself. I’m old enough to now. Can’t be relying on Plutt forever.”

 

“How old exactly are you?” Ben asks softly. Sorrow tugging at his heart. Pain and pity all mixing up together, for this girl. The life she leads so bleak and joyless. Little more than a struggle for survival.

 

“Fourteen.” She whispers.

 

His stomach rumbles and he retrieves an apple from his messenger bag biting into with a satisfying crunch. He turns, witnessing the longing in her eyes, the curiosity with which she eyes the fruit.

 

“Have one.” He says, rummaging in his bag and holding a second apple out to her.

 

She begins to shake her head, mouth setting into a hard line. “I don’t need your charity.” She says, shifting her head to the side.

 

Ben laughs. “Who said anything about charity? You helped me with my cargo once, so if anything, it’s a thank you. Also it’s nice seeing you at the outpost. Having someone to talk to. A friend.”

 

“You… you want to be _friends_?” She stutters, as if the concept is complete foreign to her.

 

“Sure.” He says. “And friends share food.”

 

Rey leans towards him, hand outstretched, regarding the apple with questioning eyes.“What it is?” She asks, staring at it in confusion. “I –I only ever eat portions.”

 

“Fruit.”

 

Rey nods, a reaches forward to grasp it, her fingers brushing his.

 

As they touch, an immediate electricity consumes him. Ben recognises it, a long suppressed part of himself, the Force he has for so long denied. He shivers involuntarily, chest seizing up, consumed with shock.

 

Rey also jumps simultaneously, pulling her hand back. She stiffens, an unanswered question in her for eyes.

 

_She feels it too._

 

This time it is him that turns away. Haunted by their phantom touch, the familiarity of the Force, stirring up unpleasant memories of the past.

 

But he hesitates. Raising a hand in farewell. “I have to go.” He stammers, voice catching in his throat.

 

“Sure.” Rey says. Her eyes a little wide.

 

As he leaves, she bites down into the apple.He can almost feel it, the crispness beneath her teeth, the pleasure at the sweetness of it, the tart juice exploding onto her tongue. It makes him dizzy. He hasn't been able to sense anything like this, not since he closed himself off from the Force.

 

He knows what he should do. That he should take her with him, bring her to his mother. To Luke. He had already suspected from their first meeting that she was gifted. Her reflexes, her piloting, her ability to pick up languages, all indicators of her Force sensitivity. But instead he flees, not yet ready to see his family again. To confront his past.

 

Instead he travels to Coruscant, selling his cargo, and then finds himself at a bar downtown. A dark and grubby dive, where all the patrons are criminals and lowlifes like himself. And there he sits, all night, sipping glass after glass of Corellian whisky, until his limbs are loose and warm, and his guilt fades, all conscious thought becoming a hazy blur.

 

* * *

 

 

He’d always been a difficult child. Quiet and reluctant to socialise, burdened by an uncontrollable power, an electricity that ran through his veins. A heightened perception, a low background hum in his ears, that his parents called _the Force_.

 

It did not delight him, like others, what he could do. Instead it made him feel like he was different, isolating the shy boy he was even more. The Force was like a current that ran through his body, a live wire, static collecting, a tingle across his skin. And then, sometimes, when he was sad or excited, it would grow too much and the static would _discharge_ , shattering glass and knocking furniture over or accidentally allowing him admittance to someone else's thoughts.

 

That is how he _knew_. Knew exactly what his parents thought about him, their confusion and fear at having to tiptoe around their difficult child, with his volatile moods.

 

He was just beginning to understand it all when they sent him away. Starting to gain that self awareness, that pre-adolescents begin to possess, an understanding of their identity as a person, the reality that he would, one day, inevitably _die_.

 

Growing up with Luke and only a handful of others, it had been hard to process it all, his burgeoning adolescence, as he grew tall and lanky, permanently hungry, his confused body a mixture of hormones and unexpected arousal that he did not understand but Luke urged him to ignore and suppress.

 

Everyday was meditation, training, practising forms. Luke preached calmness and discipline but he was volatile and rash. Acting out of emotion, not peace and control. Luke worried about him, his anger and violence, the unrestrained way he moved with a saber. And Ben felt his disapproval, burning him like a wound.

 

And then came the voices. Disembodied whispers in his head telling him to give in to his anger, to embrace the dark.

 

Night after night the voice whispered. Telling him he was powerful, telling him how Luke and his parents did not understand him. How they had grown to resent him, to hate him. It scared him, this disembodied voice that caused his heart to race, body to shiver and burn. The person who talked to him was dangerous. Yet the things it whispered were oddly compelling, seductive.

 

Snoke, was the voices name. Dark and cool and silky. The voice that beckoned him to the dark side, instructing him to shatter the fragile boy inside. By the name of Ben Solo. To become something _more._

 

He almost gave into it, just wanting it go away, the voice. It was harder than resisting, especially when it was promising him freedom and passion, instead of control and restraint. A better life.

 

 _I will make you powerful, Ben Solo_ . Snoke promised. _No one will ever stand in your way again._

 

Caught and conflicted about what to do, he continued to train everyday, maddened by the lack of sleep. But then, one night, he jumped awake, roused from sleep by the Force to find his Master and teacher, Luke Skywalker, standing over him, clutching an ignited lightsaber in his hand.

 

Something inside of him snapped. He reached out with the Force shattering the hut around him and throwing Luke back with all his strength. Hot bloody rage burning inside him, anger like he’d never felt before, and _pain,_  bright and jarring from the betrayal.

 

And then instead of leaving there and then, he had marched across to the Temple and set it on fire.

 

And then he ran, leaving Luke unconscious amongst the smoke. He had left and never come back.

 

 _Kill them all,_ the voice had instructed, but instead he fled. A coward. He could not bear it anymore, the voices, the pain, the hum of the Force inside him both light and dark, strong and unrelenting. So instead he pushed it down, back into himself, closing himself off from it.

 

He'd only used the Force once since them, to cheat at cards and win a transport. And he’d been living as an outlaw ever since.

 

But when Rey had touched him it had awakened something. Something that scares Ben beyond description, but is also in a strange way, alluring. Like two ends of a polarized magnet interacting with each other.

 

The next time he lands on Jakku, he does not see her, despite staying at the outpost all day, moisture pooling beneath his shirt, as he sits, unused to the sweltering sun.

 

Ben usually departs the same day after trading with Plutt but this time he stays the night in a ramshackle room above the sole Cantina in Niima outpost, likely the only one of the whole of Jakku. Waiting while some  repairs are conducted on his ship. Mechanics are cheap on this planet, but that isn't the only reason he stays. He's secretly hoping to see Rey again. The Force sensitive that intrigues him. He wants to make things right. Because he knows deep down, she deserves better than this place.

 

But she is nowhere to be seen.

 

So instead he is served two portions in the Cantina where he proceeds to drink an exceedingly large amount of swill. Then drunk and wary, he departs round the back to his room, mind fuzzy from the drink and body heavy with sleep.

 

That’s when he hears the screams.

 

He stumbles outside to see Rey, bathed in shadow, her silhouette all sharp edges and gangly limbs. The night pitch is dark, and he can barely make her out in the faint light permeating from the Cantina, but he can hear the furious growls as she fights her attackers. Warding them away with her staff. Despite the darkness her blows are alarming precise. Fast and stealthy. She fights with a careless grace, a looseness to her movements, and before Ben can intervene both men are on the floor groaning in pain.

 

“Rey!” He exclaims. “Are you all right?”

 

“Ben?” She says, voice coloured with surprise. She coughs, breathing hard shaky breaths.

 

“I heard… I heard screams.”

 

Rey nods. He can see the whites of her eyes reflecting in the night. She looks weary.

 

“Yeah. Slavers, they were trying to grab me. _Bantha shits_. It's happened a few times.” Rey sighs, more out of annoyance than anything. “This is _exactly_ _why_ I try to avoid Niima outpost at night.”

 

“A few times?” Ben spits, a growl building in his throat.

 

Rey nods. “It started last year. The gangs come here looking for new skin girls. They choose scavengers because we’re vulnerable I guess. They know no one’s going to be there to miss us.”

 

Anger floods Ben veins, hot and visceral. He walks over to the wall and punches it, swearing. “Kriffing hell, Rey. Is there no one here to protect you.”

 

Rey snorts shaking her head. “People only protect their property here. And I may be many things, but I’m _not_ a slave. Anyway, I don't need anyone’s protection, I always know when they’re coming, slavers or thieves looking to steal my portions. And when they come for me, I’m ready.”

 

Ben steps towards her, exhaling measuredly. “How is it that you know, know that they’re coming?”

 

Rey tilts her head, the question throwing her off a little. She looks up at him meeting his eyes. “I don't know.” She whispers. “I just– ... _do._ ”

 

“Rey.” He says, voice serious and low. “I think I know _why_ . Why you fight like that, with no training, why you know things are going to happen before they do. You have ...an _affinity_ for the Force. Premonition is a Jedi skill.”

 

Rey just laughs. “Me ...a Jedi. That’s ridiculous.”

 

“Not a Jedi, but a Force sensitive. _Rey_ , you can do things other people can't, I’ve seen it. The way you pick up languages, the sharpness of your reflexes when you pilot, you … _you_ are exceptional.”

 

Rey eyes still locked on his, flit down to the ground, and she takes a deep breath. “What does it matter? I’m just a scavenger.”

 

“You could be more. You could go and train. Became a Jedi. I’ll take you.”

 

But Rey simply shakes her head, eyes filled with suspicion.

 

“Jedi’s don't exist.” She whispers, voice shaky. “The Empire killed them all.”

 

“No.” He corrects her. “Not all of them. Not Luke Skywalker”

 

"Luke Skywalker? I thought he was a myth..." Rey says, wearing a look of astonishment.

 

“ _No,_ he’s real. And I can take you to him. Away from this place.”

 

“But how do you _even_ know him? He’s just a _story._ ”

 

Ben swallows, taking a deep breath.

 

“I’m his nephew.”

 

Rey’s eyes widen. “But… that means. Your father–”

 

“Is Han Solo.” Ben says, interrupting her.

 

“ _The_ Han Solo.”

 

“Yes.” He sighs. “The rebellion general.”

 

“No! The smuggler!”

 

Ben finds himself laughing. “Yeah, not the greatest role model.”

 

Rey considers him with searching eyes. “But, I see you’ve followed in his footsteps.”

 

Ben shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah. But, me and my parents –we don’t _exactly_ get on. I haven’t talked to them in years.” He admits.

 

Rey frowns, but nods in understanding.

 

“But i’ll take you to my Uncle. Rey, you’re meant to be a Jedi. Not here on Jakku, scavenging for portions.”

 

For a long time Rey is silent, watching him with guarded eyes. He can see the conflict in her face, the inability to trust him. He watches her, observing the thoughts running through her head, the questions in her intelligent eyes.Then she speaks, pinning him with her searching gaze.

 

“Then ...why are you here?”

 

“What do you mean.” He asks confused.

 

“The last time when I saw you, our hands touched. And –I ...I felt something. It was weird. Unrecognisable, but somehow also an extension of myself. It unnerved me. But now, now I understand. It was the _Force._  You have it too. But your not a Jedi.”

 

“No.” Ben says. “I was training to become one, a long time ago. But it wasn’t for me. I wasn't meant to be a Jedi, but you, you are. I know it. Come with me Rey. _Please._..

 

Rey closes her eyes and he can see her thinking about it, deliberating the possibility of leaving Jakku, starting a new life. But then her expression becomes hard, and she shakes her head.

 

“I’m sorry. But I can’t.” She says avoiding his gaze.

 

“Why?”

 

“My parents ...they said they’d come back for me. They promised. If I leave, there’s no chance i’ll see them again.”

 

Ben nods in resignation.

 

“Anyway,” She says. “Things are looking up. I was out all day in the sinking grounds and I found a intact wreckage. And amongst it, a hyperdrive. Looks like it's functioning too. Must be worth at least sixty portions. So I definitely can’t leave now.”

 

“Okay.” Ben says. “I’ll see you…”

 

“Around.” Rey smiles. “You’ll see me around. Till next time Ben Solo.” She whispers.

 

“Till next time.” He mutters, cursing himself for not forcing her to come with him. But he knows more than most how important freedom is, and he does not want to take away hers, even if it under the misguided notion of waiting for parents, who are almost certainly never coming back.

 

Rey leaves him alone, his thoughts a jumbled mess. On the ground her would-be kidnappers lie, unconscious. He leans down, and picks them both up, dragging them across the outpost, a red mist of anger, clouding his mind. He drags them onboard his freighter, tying them together, binding their wrists and legs.

 

Taking off from Jakku, he readies the hyper-drive. Jumping to the Outer-Rim. Landing on Hoth, he leaves them there, naked, alone amongst the ice. With his blaster trained on them, he retreats back to his ship, throwing a holo transmitter to them, before the ramp closes…

 

“I really hope whoever you calls finds you in time. Before you freeze.” He tells them, ignoring their pleas. “If not, well, you deserve it, attacking young girls like that.”

 

Then he leaves them there, without a second thought, hoping and praying that no one else hurts Rey.

 

* * *

 

 

A year passes, and when he lands on Jakku, he happy to see that she’s still there. Amongst a background of burnished gold dunes, and dusty rose skies, the unforgiving heat of two twin suns hanging in the sky. It is hard to imagine her anywhere else apart from this place, despite how much he would like her to leave. She fits perfectly into the environment around her, a desert girl through and through. It is almost as if she grew up from the very dirt, emerging from a dune fully formed, skin tan and freckled, clothes perfectly fashioned for her tough isolated existence.

 

She grown. Not taller this time, but mercifully she’s put on some weight. She no longer looks like a boy, he notices, the thought causing his stomach to turn over in a strange fashion. He wills the thought away, the realization that the scrappy girl he once knew, now has hips and a waist and above that –small but discernible breasts. All of a sudden she catches his gaze from across the outpost, a strange expression forming on her face. But then she smiles, the corners of her mouth curving upwards and she bounds towards him, strong legs expertly navigating the sand.

 

“Hi.” She says to him.

 

“Hey.” He replies. “How are you?”

 

“Good.” She smiles. Her eyes, once shy and downturned now roam his body, his face; taking him in. “It’s nice to see you.”

 

“And you.” Ben says, lowering his voice. “You know the offers always open, if you want. Just say the word and i’ll take you to Luke.”

 

Rey nods, but shakes her head. “I still ...can’t.” She says again, but tilts her head up to look at him. “If you have some time though, I’d like to show you something.”

 

“Of course.” Ben nods, arranging a place for them to meet before walking off to deal with the ever unpleasant Plutt.

 

Later in the day, when the sun is lower in the sky, they meet at the edge of the outpost. Walking together over the dunes to the graveyard of giants. Wreckages of ships, fighters and old star destroyers sit magnificent in their decay, and Ben marvels at their size. He can tell that they were meant for the expanse of space, not the vast sands of an unimportant planet.

They sit in the shadow of one, escaping the stifling heat of Jakku’s suns. Finally in the shade, Ben sits in the sand wiping the perspiration from his brow.

 

“I thought about what you said, about the Force, about me having it.” Rey says, turning to look at him. “I think, something inside me has always been there. But now it's _awake_. It frightens me sometimes.” She swallows nervously, eye uncertain and wide. “But I don’t think I can hide it away. Not anymore. So i’ve been practising.”

 

She reaches out with a quavering hand the the particles of sand around them begin to quiver and shake. And they rise slowly, beautiful and minute into the air. More and more sand rises until there is a wall of it, a waterfall just hanging there, as if he is caught up in the middle of a storm that has frozen in time, golden grains gleaming. Ben can feel the Force all around him, teasing, tiny hairs standing up on his skin, and he laughs, dragging his hand through the sand around him so that it falls, suddenly and unceremoniously to the ground.

 

And Rey is smiling too, white teeth gleaming in the sun, the air charged with the Force, but this does not scare him. It is beautiful and thrilling.

 

“ _That_ was…”

 

But before he can finish, Rey is kissing him, her mouth electric against his, fingers grasping at his shirt. Her mouth attacks his, urgent and demanding, wanting and needing more. And Ben finds himself kissing her back before he can properly think about what is happening, mouth crushing against hers, breath catching in his lungs, but then, his sanity returns and he jumps back, breathless and flush, ears reddening with embarrassment.

 

“Rey.” He whispers but it comes out more like a growl. “We can’t do this.”

 

Rey looks up and stares at him, her skin hot and flushed. “Do you not like me?” She says, voice catching.

 

“It’s not about whether I like you. You’re too _young_. It’s not right.”

 

“I’m sixteen.” She says, indignant. “And a half. That’s old in Jakku, not to have...” she stops mid sentence, cheeks turning beet red.

 

“Rey. I’m twenty-seven. Do you even know how _old_ that is?”

 

“I don’t care!” She exclaims. “I want you, I want _this._ ” She palms at his shirt, attempting to pull it off.

 

But he grabs her hand, stilling it. As their fingertips touch, he feels it again, a magnetic pull, as if the Force itself is willing them together. But he pushes the feeling down, down, deep down inside him, drowning it so it cannot resurface.

 

“Rey. _Please_.”

 

She gazed at him wounded, her lip quivering. “You're the only person who’s ever been kind to me.”

 

“That doesn't mean…”

 

“I don't care what it means!” Rey snaps. “I just want it to be nice. I want the gangs to stop following me at night, trying to find where I sleep, so they can grab me, and auction off my virginity to the highest bidder.” Her voice breaks, an involuntary sob escaping her lungs. “I want the freedom to choose Ben. Choose someone good and kind and sweet like _you._ ”

 

Ben swallows, looking down and shakes his head. “I’m not a good person Rey. I’ve done some terrible things. And worse, some dark part of me, enjoyed it. I’m not who you think I am. You’ve got me wrong.”

 

Rey sniffs, reaching out to softly touch his arm. “You’ve been good to me.”

 

But he shakes his head, pulling away. “I’m sorry Rey.” He whispers.

 

Another sobs rips from Rey’s lips, stirring the flat desert air, and then before he can apologise any further, mollifying Rey, she is up, running away from him, scattering sand as she goes, growing small amongst the dunes, the air burning and simmering with the bittersweet taste of his rejection.

 

Meanwhile Ben sits dejected and alone, heart hammering, consumed by the maelstrom of emotion inside him, wishing for them to have met in different circumstances, but knowing that with _that kiss,_ and the chaotic want reflected in her luminous eyes, she had torn apart his soul, taking a piece of it away with her.

 

* * *

 

 

He sees her at the outpost the following year, but as soon as she spots him she turns and leaves, abandoning him to his solitude. He watches her depart, stomach churning with a bittersweet longing until she is a blurry speck, pale against the golden sand, retreating in the distance.

 

Unkar who is stood beside him laughs. “Got a thing for that girl eh?” He says, with a rumbling laugh. “Good luck with that.”

 

Ben shakes his head. “I remember seeing her around that's all.”

 

“Of course.” Unkar says, not fully believing him. “Strange girl that one. She could make a fortune as a skin girl but she’s too proud. A few years and she'd have enough to leave this place. She never will though. She's convinced her parents will come back for her. Foolish girl. They sold her to me for drinking money you know. Yet still she fills her head with fantasies of reuniting with them.” Unkar laughs. “Last I heard they were dead, buried in a pauper's grave on the other side of Jakku. She knows, yet she's unwilling to believe it.  Thinks I’m lying to her.”

 

“Well who do you think would trust a man who’s purchased them.” Ben snarls. “I think we're done here.” He says, then turns to leave, unable to get away from Jakku fast enough.

 

He spends the rest of the day, punching the wall and breaking all the furniture he can get his hands, anything that isn't bolted down onto the floor. He feels helpless, unable to save Rey, not only from Plutt and her life of toil on Jakku, but from the fairy tales she has created in her mind, constructed stories she needs to get through each day. To _survive_.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time he comes, he deals with Plutt quickly, resigned to the fact he is unlikely to see her, and even if he does, she probably doesn't want to speak to him.

 

But then he sees he walks into the outpost a heavy sack full of scavenged parts sound over her shoulder.

 

She taller, and more fully formed. She walks close enough from him to watch as a singular bead of sweat travels down her face, pooling in the hollow between her collarbones before continuing its path down her sternum, disappearing into the space between her breasts. Suddenly he feels dizzy, too hot under the sweltering sun, feeling a twitch of arousal low in his stomach, between his legs. At that moment his eyes meet hers, and she frowns at him, her expression a mixture of embarrassment and displeasure. He takes a sharp intake of breath, averting his eyes from her breasts.

 

He turns away, ashamed, making to leave but then from behind him he feels her tap his shoulder.

 

“Hey.” She says smiling.

 

“Hi.” He replies, almost nervously.

 

Two years have passed and she feels like a stranger, a stranger's he has known his entire life but still has learned little about. A stranger he can no longer deny he has feelings for. Her presence stirring up something coiled tight within him.

 

“How are you?” He asks.

 

“Good.” She smiles. She gestures to the heavy bag full of metal on her shoulder. “I need to trade this for portions, but afterwards, would you’ll like you get a drink?”

 

Ben nods wordlessly in acknowledgement.

 

Later they sit across from each other in the tiny cantina, the place stifling hot and cramped. Rey watches him from across the table, chin leaning on the sharp right angles of her elbows that are sat atop the table.

 

“You changed your hair.” She said, gesturing at it. It’s grown long, so long it hangs in his face so he’s taken to tying it up, high at the back into a knot. His hand drifts up to his ears, suddenly suddenly self conscious of their size.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Rey grins. “I like it.” She says, smiling a coy smile.

 

“I like your hair too.” He says, suddenly deathly aware that he is terrible at both compliments and and small talk.

 

“Really?” Rey says, running her fingers over the three buns at the back of her skull. “It’s more for practicality than anything. I never learnt to braid. My parents well, ...nevermind. But I’ve started to think it looks kind of childish. I might change it.”

 

“No!” Ben says, almost too loudly. He gazed up into her expressive hazel eyes. “Don't.”

 

“Okay.” Rey says, a smile creeping into her face. She holds his gaze for a number of seconds, the moments feeling like an eternity. Then she looks down, grabbing her mug of swill from the table and downs it all in one go.

 

Ben frowns at her. Both worried and impressed at the speed of which she is drinking. The moonshine they serve in Jakku is strong. A fact Ben is familiar with.

 

Rey catches his judgemental stare.

 

“Hey! I’m eighteen.” She says raising an eyebrow. “Galactic standard. I _can_ drink

if it pleases me.”

 

“Go ahead.” He says, mouth curving into a smile. “I’m not stopping you.”

 

Rey laughs and stands, getting up to go to the bar.

 

“Would you like another?” She asks, and Ben finds himself nodding.

 

With a few drinks in them, the conversation becomes easier, less stilted. Rey talks and laughs, bright and effervescent telling him about her life, all of her adventures. Treacherous trips to the sinking fields and the northern wastes in search of parts, made more dangerous by Junk eating sand worms and unexpected pitfalls containing hungry Sarlacc’s lying in wait. She tells him about how when she built her land speeder at thirteen, spending a year getting together the parts, she was determined to make it run faster and better than any speeder she seen before.

 

“It _was_ fast.” She tells him. “So I guess I succeeded. Before the engine set on fire. When I fixed it I built it to the normal standard, just to be safe.”

 

Ben laughs, listening. She's a good storyteller Rey, enigmatic and expressive and Ben finds himself leaning in towards her, wanting to lose himself in her words, the sight, sound, and smell of her. She's beautiful, he realises. He's always known it, but seeing her now, the glow she radiates, he realises she is truly beautiful, both inside and out. And even better than that, she is _interesting_.

 

He tells her some arbitrary things about himself. Things he’s done and places he’s been, how he always wanted to be a pilot as a child. He guesses he succeeded, because that's what he does now, always flying, however his current profession also comes with the inclusion of illegally trafficking goods.

 

They order more swill and Ben finds his body becoming slow and lazy, the alcohol working making him a little drunk. Rey across from him however looks completely, amazingly sober. Tipsy as he is, he almost wants to tell her, confess it all how from the moment he met her this morning, she has driven him wild with both longing and simmering want. But he knows the subject is off the table. It is the only thing they do not talk about, Rey choosing not to mention what happened two years ago, the last time he saw her. The kiss, the touch that she had desperately wanted.

 

As the sun begins to dim, Rey smiles, telling him that it about time she found her way home. Ben nods sluggishly, head dizzy and light, his fingers almost unconsciously catching on her arms, brushing against the delicate hairs that lie there.

 

“Come with me.” He says. “ _Please_. Watching you here, it breaks my heart. You could master the Force if I took you to Luke. You could do so many incredible things.”

 

But Rey shakes her head.

 

“You know, you never actually asked me if I actually wanted to be a Jedi. Just kept telling me it was my destiny, or something like that.” Rey says frowning.

 

Ben narrows his eyes. Recognising his mistake. His mistake for only thinking she was special because she had the Force, and thinking that she needed to be elsewhere, because in his eyes Jakku was the most barren and joyless rock in the galaxy. “Well do you?” He says, asking her for the first time.

 

“You know.” Rey says, tilting her head. “I’ve never actually thought about it.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Goodbye Ben.” She says, starting to walk away before turning, pausing.

 

“Will you ask me to come with you next year?”

 

“Yes.” Ben whispers. “Always.”

 

“When will you stop asking?” Rey says cocking her head.

 

“Never.”

 

“Then you'll be asking for a very long time.” She frowns, and then walks away into the evening light.

 

* * *

 

 

The following year she hugs him when they meet. Her body solid and strong against his. But she looks jumpy, like something is wrong. She's thinner, he realises, and she always has been _thin,_ giving her little to lose.

 

“We need to talk.” She tells him. “But first I want to take you somewhere.”

 

He nods, complying, and she walks him over to her land speeder, a dusty burnished red.

 

“Get on.” She instructs, handing him a spare pair of googles. And there they sit, astride the land speeder, his arms around Rey’s waist as they fly through the desert, whipping up the sand around them, Rey carefully navigating her way through the dunes. Deep suppressed arousal stirs inside him, having Rey’s small muscular back pressed up against his chest. A tingling deep in his stomach. He is acutely aware of his hands against Rey’s skin, only inches below her breasts, the thought causing his body to grow hot and tight as for once he wishes he’d listened to all of Luke's lessons about practicing restraint.

 

Finally, after what seems like forever, the speeder slows and they stop outside an old collapsed AT-AT Walker.

 

“We’re here.” She says, gesturing to it. _“My home_.”

 

Ben follows her into the cramped space. There’s a small bed, and a few shelves holding portions and cutlery and a bowl. But there are also some personal touches, evocative of a younger Rey, some dried flowers and a handmade doll. Stuck on one wall there is a drawing, a simple, black and white sketch made with charcoal on paper. His eyes focus on it, looking closer and he realises it is him, the hair, the eyes, the pained expression, unmistakably his. She's drawn _him_.

 

“It’s not much but… –it’s home.”

 

But Ben smiles, because it reminds him of her, and is therefore beautiful.

 

“I like it.”

 

Rey sits and he watches as she makes up two half portions handing a bowl to him. And there they sit side by side eating the plain tasting food.

 

“You look thin.” He tells her a note of worry in his voice.

 

Rey nods. “It’s been harder to get portions.” She tells him. “The price has got more expensive. The First Order is growing in power. They come here and take what they want. Everyone's suffering. Even _Plutt_.”

 

Ben turns to look at her, an icy shiver running down his spine. He recalls the silky voice in his head, telling him night after night to surrender to the dark. It had been the leader of the First Order - Snoke.

 

“The First Order, they’re dangerous.” He tells her. “They can’t know about you, that you have the Force.”

 

Rey snorts. “I’m nobody. Always have been, always was. They wouldn't look at me twice.”

 

“That's not true.”

 

“It _is_ . But at least it means I’m safe.” Rey turns to look at him, eyes full of unanswered questions. “But what I want to know is Ben, why _are_ you a Smuggler, not a Jedi?”

 

He swallows uncomfortably. “It’s… –It’s a _long_ story.”

 

But Rey stare is unwavering. She reaches out to touch his arm, her fingers soft. “Regardless, I want to know. You're always telling me how I should become a Jedi, when you’re not. Something happened didn't it?”

 

“Yes.” He murmurs. “Something happened.”

 

“What? _You know_ , the First Order, burnt down a whole village a couple of weeks ago. Looking for some man called Lor San Tekka. All because rumour has it, he knows where you're Uncle is. And you, you're Ben Solo. You're mother's leader of the Resistance. You could be making a difference not smuggling! But you don't care do you? About how many villages the First Order burns down. Because you're afraid! You’re hiding.”

 

“Yes, I’m hiding!” Ben retorts. “But so are you! Your parents they aren't coming back, are they? Plutt told me, told me that they're dead.”

 

Rey pulls her hand back from his arm, lips pressing into a hard line. “He doesn't know that, not for sure.”

 

“They _sold_ you Rey, and it’s been what – _a decade_? Do you really think they are coming back?”

 

Rey sniffs, looking down at the floor, an involuntary sob building in her throat. “I don't know Ben.” She whispers. “But at least I haven't given up hope.”

 

“I'm sorry.” He whispers. “I didn't want to hurt you. But you're right. I start smuggling because I needed an escape. But not from anyone else. Only myself. I’ve done bad things Rey. I needed to leave.”

 

“Tell me.” Rey whispers.

 

“You'll think worse of me.”

 

“I don't care.” Rey says, and she leans her body against him, resting her head on his shoulder, both of them sitting on her small bed. A quiet intimacy. “Let me in.” She whispers, staring at him with those warm doe eyes.

 

“Okay.” He says, surrendering into her touch.

 

He tells her everything. From his troubled childhood, to his teens training with Luke. And then the voices. Snoke bearing into his mind every night, whispering his venom until he was cracking. Volatile and angry and worst of all _so lonely_ , so very, very alone. And then the night when he woke up with Luke standing over him, Luke his teacher who had sensed the darkness within him and had decided he had to be stopped. _That he deserved to die_.

 

He tells her how, enraged, he had burnt down the temple, everything that Luke had worked for, not bothering to look if there was anyone inside. How afterward he had closed himself off to the Force fleeing. And how he had been making terrible decisions ever since, too ashamed to contact his parents, to do anything but run. And how now, he had got himself so wrapped up in the criminal underworld of smuggling, he couldn't get out.

 

“I’m a _monster_.” He whispers to Rey.

 

“No.” She says. “You were young and afraid. To be afraid is to be human. This _Snoke,_ he was manipulating you, he wanted you to crack, to go to him. But you didn't. You choose instead to shut yourself away from him. You _are_ good Ben, whatever you think. You did the right thing. And you'll keep doing it. I sense it in you, you know. The _light_.”

 

She leans over, brushing her hand against his cheek. And then, somehow feeling so light and unburdened after telling Rey the whole truth of himself, he finds he can take it no more. Without thinking, he winds his arm around Rey, pulling her toward him, and kisses her like a dying man searching for breath.

 

Rey gasps a little in surprise, but almost immediately reciprocates, kissing him back, her arms winding around his neck, tangling in his hair. Her mouth hot, lips eager against his. As they kiss he feel his control lapsing, the Force flowing into him, adding a whole new veil of awareness. Her Force signature tangling with his, and suddenly he can see into her, sensing that this is what she has always needed. To be wanted, to rescind control and be consumed. She teases him, teeth grazing his lip before biting down gently, eliciting a little jolt of pain. Ben feels his breath catching, the sensation travelling down his body causing his cock to twitch.

 

He kisses her more fiercely then, a messy jumble of teeth and tongue and lips, artless, but it causes his heart to jump nonetheless. Skin to tingle as if it has been kissed by cold fire. Rey’s body curves into his, as she presses into him sitting astride his lap. He is already hard, ready and with Rey on top of him there is no mistaking his intentions, how he would like this to end. He slows, but Rey protests, tugging at his shirt until he pulls away, removing it.

 

Without hesitation, Rey pulls off her own shirt, and he stares at her breathless, eyes burning as he leans forward to unwrap the bindings around her breasts.

 

She’s skinny, he can see the outlines of the bones in her sternum, the shadow of her ribs. He leans down over her, kissing each of them. He imagines taking her away from this place and feeding her, picturing the delight in her eyes as she tastes breads and meat and a dozen deserts. But he knows that may never happen so instead he lavishes attention on her bare breasts, lathing them with his tongue, teasing them, hearing Rey’s breath hitch and gasp.

 

“Ben.” She whispers. Her hand moving to graze his waistband then dipping beneath it, causing him to hiss, his hips bucking into her clever fingers.

 

“Rey.” He breathes back.

 

They manage to lose the rest of their clothes, Rey regarding his naked form with hungry eyes. She lies back, watching him as he takes her in sharpness and soft golden skin.

 

She looks up at him pleadingly, reaching up to pull her towards him, her leg hooking around his waist, but he stops her, his hand moving between her legs, thumb stroking her softly and then faster, fingers hooking inside her, until she is whimpering and shaking, crying his name. Only when she is sweaty and boneless, completely open and wet for him does he take her, easing into her slowly, his teeth grazing her throat.

 

She begins to moan and sigh again, gripping at his hips to move faster, and then he does, Rey so hot and tight around him, so beautiful, eyes gazing up into his so intensely that he almost loses himself, but he pushes the feeling down, touching her between her legs, while he moves until she comes all over again, heavy lidded and breathless.

 

“Ben.” She cries. And then suddenly she reaches up, grazing his earlobe with her teeth, pleasure exploding within him, and he comes violently, collapsing, shaking and spent on top of her.

 

They lay together then, Ben patterning her neck with kisses, never before happier than he is now. Forget smuggling and swindles. All the dodgy deals, the travelling. He just wants this, the desert and her beside him, the Force connecting them, a invisible golden string tying them together.

 

They quickly fall asleep, in Rey’s thin single bed, coiled around each other, a mess of sweat and sand and tangled limbs.

 

When he wakes Rey is already up, gazing at him.

 

“I’ll come with you.” She says, eyes meeting his. “I’ll leave Jakku.”

 

A blinding happiness fills him and he reaches up to embrace her.

 

“On one condition.” She continues. “You come with me, and finish your training as a Jedi.”

 

“What?” Ben stutters, starting to protest, but Rey wraps her arms around him, calming the anxiety rising up inside his veins.

 

“We both have to face our demons.” She whispers. “My parents, they aren't coming back. And i'm ready, ready to accept that now. But you’re still hiding, using smuggling as an excuse. The galaxy needs Jedi, but not just me. To vanquish the First Order. Because this life is bigger than us.” She says. “Bigger than just two disparate, naive souls. And that's why I need you to come with me. Because you're needed, and because I _need_ you.”

 

Ben wraps himself up in her, hugging her, burying his head in her neck. “I’m afraid.” He whispers, picturing the angry faces of his parents.

 

“So am I.” Rey replies. “But trust me.”

 

And Ben finds himself nodding, ready to leave everything behind, for Rey. For _her._

 

Rey packs her belongings, a meager amount and they travel back to the outpost. To his ship. He takes her hand, leading her aboard. And then as they sit-in the cockpit, side by side, he leans over brushing her lips with a kiss, watching Rey as she takes a final look at Jakku. He warms up the engine ready to take off.

 

“Together.” He whispers to her.

 

Rey nods meeting his eye.

 

“ _Together.”_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I wrote. I don't know what this is. But here it is. A fic. 
> 
> This is the first time I’ve written a whole fic in present tense. I think it works though for this. I wanted each of their encounters to feel in the moment. Yeah I know I’m anonymous in this but it will not stop my incessant, stream-of-consciousness ramblings in the notes.
> 
> I wrote this in two-ish days. And I'm usually a slow writer. When I say the muse struck hard, it struck HARD. And this is probably sweetest thing I’ve ever written wow. Though I guess bittersweet, compared to the gratuitous fluff out there. I always write super f**ked up Ben/ Kylo, so it's nice to write something sweet for a change.
> 
> To the recipient I hoped you like what I’ve done with your prompt, I write a lot of angst sad stuff which is dark in many places - this was meant to be lighter and more fun but uh… well Rey’s life is actually quite harrowing. I’m sorry.


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